To Embrace the Positive, it’s Helpful to Know the Negative

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“Love Perspective” is an original column appearing every other Thursday at, by Serenity. Serenity is the mother of 4 boys and both a recovering mainstream parent and statist. She seeks to share what she has learned along her journey to voluntaryism, radical unschooling, and living a counter-culture lifestyle. Archived columns can be found here. LP-only RSS feed available here.

Hello! My name is Serenity, and I am a recovering mainstreamer in every sense of the word. My journey into a counter-culture belief system led me to realize and embrace many things which, only a few years ago, I would have completely scoffed at and ridiculed. I hope you are here to learn, and to genuinely question concepts you may find ridiculous or unlikely on the surface but which I promise are worth exploring further.

The two most important truths I’ve found on my journey are that every single action (and reaction) you and I make is rooted in either love or fear. Think on that for a moment. Every single feeling you have is coming from either a place of fear or a place of love. Whether you are feeling jealous (fear of losing someone/something about which you care), content (love), sad (fear of change, fear of loss), angry (fear of not being in control), it can all be traced back to either love or fear. This enlightenment was gleaned from a book written by Bryan Post, an amazing man who is doing a lot to help families raising children with attachment issues. While there are many other books I love and which helped my journey, Bryan’s insight was a game changer for me. Once I understood that love and fear were at the root of everything we think, feel, say, and do, I realized the overwhelming majority of our society (myself included) truly believes they are doing good even though they are functioning from a place of overwhelming fear.

One of the ways we see fear-thinking is in our political climate – left vs. right, us vs. them, right vs. wrong. This is not a problem isolated to the United States, either. When a person votes based on the hope of their shared beliefs with a politician prevailing in the political arena, they are saying A) I fear others will not make good choices unless they are controlled with “righteous” laws with which I agree, and B) it is okay to violate another’s freedom as long as they are compelled to do what I firmly “know” (believe) is right.

In parenting, fear-based thinking is also very clear. Without knowing it, many parents are relying on fear-based techniques while firmly believing they are acting out of love. What do I mean? I mean having rules for your children which are “for their own good” and can following that sentiment with, “If I don’t have this rule, they will grow up to be {insert fear here: delinquent, drug addicted, unhappy, overweight, a criminal, thoughtless, unable to work with others, unable to read/write/spell/think, dead, etc.}.” If that is how you are parenting, you are engaging in fear-based parenting rather than coming from a place of love.

So, now that I’ve introduced you to fear-based perspective, I hope you’ll realize I have not only been there, but I fight against it every day, as it was deeply ingrained in my psyche. I will write about topics when seen from the love perspective. I will write about changing paradigms and shifting focus from fear-based thinking to love-based thinking. I will write about seeing things in a way which you may never have considered or even realized might exist. I hope to bend your mind a bit, I hope to push you (lovingly) from your comfort zone and into unfamiliar territory where you will find great happiness and joy.


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