By modern definitions, I have been sexually assaulted. I have been grabbed, and groped in uncomfortable ways that were highly unwelcome. People have tried to kiss me that were unwelcome. Let me talk about some of the instances.
One time in college I was hanging out with a guy who was a mild association. He was gay and very drunk. I laughed at one of his jokes and he thought that meant … something? He walked up to me and cupped my genitals with a sort of seductive smile. I withdrew, gave him a negative look, and then walked away.
Another time I had a girl grab my ass while in high school. Usually I wouldn’t care, but I was a Christian at the time and I was in a relationship. I gave her a nasty look and walked away.
Another time I was in a gay bar with a bunch of my friends and some guy was being insanely forward. I kept telling him I wasn’t gay (why do people assume you are gay just because you are in a gay club? Geesh). He followed me around, told me I had pretty lips, and at one point kind of cornered me and tried to kiss me. I moved away and at that point aggressively told him to stop with a much more threatening demeanor. He stopped.
There were other instances. Many more instances of impropriety. However, I don’t really give a shit about any of them. They were minor annoyances at the time. Let me tell you about something that really fucked me up for a while and really sticks with me.
January 30, 2000. I went to a Super Bowl get together. There was a girl there who liked me and she asked me to prom, I told her no. She was kind of cute, but she was a good friend of my ex-girlfriend, and that was a lot of drama. The party went fine. No alcohol was consumed (I only really went to lame parties).
Afterwards I said I was going to call my dad for a ride home. The girl who liked me offered me a ride home. I said okay. On the way back we are both kind of flirting with each other. Once we arrive at my house we decide to make out for a while. We get in the back seat and fool around in some more depth. We tried to have sex, but I never did it before, and I honestly don’t remember if I got it in or not (I was that bad). Afterwards, we get out of the car and made out some more. We talk about some stuff, and say goodbye.
I don’t see her at school the next day (which isn’t weird since I didn’t run into her most days). However, several days later I run into her next to her friend. I say hello to both of them in a friendly demeanor and they both look at me aggressively while the girl I fooled around with gets behind her friend. It was really weird, and I had no idea what to make of it. I moved on in my day.
About a week later the rumors started spreading that I raped this girl. Luckily for me, some of the people who knew both of us believed I had more credibility than her … however, the rumors were going far outside the small amount of people who knew both of us. I was getting nasty looks at school. I was fearing arrest, assault, and I felt like my reputation was shattered. The rumors got to my guidance counselor and he had me get out of class to talk to him. I told him everything about it. He offered me nothing except the advice to keep it in my pants.
After several weeks one of her friends started vocally and publicly calling bullshit on her. I didn’t know her too well, but we were in a couple of classes together. Her friend later told me that she told her about the incident soon after it happened. What she reiterated was a story highly similar to my story. For whatever reason, she felt like it was important that people knew the truth. She openly told everyone that her friend was lying to everyone. I’ve always felt indebted to this girl, and I have no idea why she put herself out there to do it.
I never learned the person’s motivation for making these accusations. The police were never called. Some of my friends from Arlington might remember these events or the rumors.
Anyway, I’ve read several places that sexual assault is vastly more traumatizing than false allegations. On the aggregate, it might be true. It obviously wasn’t for me. False allegations and sexual assault have very wide ranging effects on people from inconsequential to life shattering.