Implied Consent is a Myth

What separates BDSM (erotic) and abuse? Consent. By definition, consent cannot be implied. It’s explicit. The myth of implied consent exists solely to protect predatory individuals at the expense of abused victims.

There is no implied consent in roles. Being a submissive (e.g., little, slave, pet, possession, etc) does not imply consent to just any dominant (e.g. daddy/mommy, master/mistress, owner, etc).

There is no implied consent in history. Having consensual sex with someone does not grant permanent consent. A last partner can say no whenever.

There is no implied consent in culture. One may come from a culture where a sexual, racial, religious, or political majority can do whatever they went to the minorities. BDSM is culture-blind here, since consent is seen as a universal concept (i.e., SSC, RACK, etc).

There is no implied consent in marriage. Being married doesn’t make one lose autonomy with their bodies. Yes, spouses can say no to sex. To think otherwise would be anti-BDSM.

There is no implied consent in body reactions. Erections and wetness are physical reactions the human body makes even asexually. They do not imply being forced on is okay.

There is no implied consent in inaction. When someone is attacked they experience fight, flight, or freeze. Self-defense or getting away are obviously reactions of refusing to consent (unless they’re part of negotiated play), but inaction doesn’t mean the opposite. The “deer in headlights” response is blatant and any good dom will recognize it and stop.

There is withdrawn consent. Any partner, including submissives, can change their mind. If they do (this is where safe words come in handy) then play must stop.

There is prior consent. A partner can give consent for a future time. This is where communication is essential in BDSM. But, it too can be withdrawn at any time. Prior consent is a key feature in TPE (total power exchange), consensual non-consent, and master/slave dynamics.

Abuse, assault, rape, whatever you want to call it is immoral, unethical, unacceptable, and unconscionable in any BDSM community. There is no excuse for abuse.

If this happens to you, inform the BDSM community, end whatever relationship you have with the abuser, and don’t let it hold your mind hostage.

Be safe and have fun.

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Kenny Kelly

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