I think many people get lost into problematic egalitarian thinking when considering gender and relationship. They end up shaming or ignoring their own internal values and instincts.
What does the opposite gender truly offer you? What qualities are attractive in the opposite gender? What qualities are good in a mate?
I think that our culture doesn’t answer these questions outside a lame egalitarian perspective … “I just want someone who is smart, funny, and gets along with my parents.” I think we have so much more value in each other than that.
I desire my wife because I have built in mechanisms that crave her body. I desire a women to care and nurture my children. I desire a wife to help promote me in ways I can’t do myself. I want my wife to desire my protection and appreciate the work I do to provide for her. I can go on for a while.
Most girls will admit they like tall guys who are confident, but this goes so much deeper and instinctual. They want a capable provider who wants to take care of them and feel ownership over them in an emotional sense (not dickish sense). They want someone who they can be proud to promote. They want to take care of someone who they admire.
We all want someone who we share values with, and is funny and we can share a good time with. However, I think people often get too clouded by problematic ways of thinking to understand there is something much deeper going on. We haven’t surpassed nature, we won’t, and we can’t.
I thought about this as I heard someone use the word “objectify” (I dislike this term in a deeper philosophical way, but I’ll just roll with it for this post) today. I realized that there is such a deeply problematic view of how most people use this term. They don’t realize that male attraction to women expresses itself in a different way than women to men, and there are a ton of benefits and inconveniences that come with it. People view men’s attraction to women as inferior and uncivilized.
Some guys really do act like assholes, don’t get me wrong … but women, the fact that my brain says that you have valuable because you are a thing that I instinctually want to fuck gives you insane privileges in society. The fact that men want to fuck you means you will be taken care of.
Some expressions of this are inconvenient and in rare situations it can be violent. However, generally, it means you won’t be viewed as a threat to men, people will attribute value in your pure existence, people will try to help you, and some asshole will catcall you once in awhile.
When you take out “objectifying” it doesn’t take out all the things you dislike but leaves the good things. If guys don’t value women’s looks on first sight … you immediately live in a more dangerous world. You experience less concern from others, and you will become more isolated. This psychological trigger that has men “objectify” women is the one that also provides much of the upside that few women would want to give up.
This post went “meandering” a bit. Also, I don’t care if people are gay or have different things they are attracted to. I am not prescriptive, but rather descriptive. If you disagree with something I said here, it ought not be considered a threat … I am a libertarian.