7 Reasons I Can’t Wait To Be an Old Man

I’ve got some 50 years to train for being the best old man ever. They say you should visualize your success, so here are eight things I’m looking forward to about senior citizen status.

1. I will finally be able to say things like “I’m too old for this s***.”

Granted, I’m still going to be doing the s*** I’m too old for. I’ll just be able to grouse about it in a way that makes it seem even cooler when I do said s*** expertly.

2. I’ll get to mentor young whippersnappers.

Positive older male role models have had a disproportionately positive impact on my development as a human being. When I’m older, I’ll hopefully be able to have the same impact on the young men coming after me.

3. I’ll instantly get gravitas points.

Assuming I’m a relatively well-put-together older person, all of my quotes are going to become more quoteable. Anyone with lick of sense stops to listen when an old person tries to share wisdom. Maybe by the time I’m 75 my attempts to share wisdom will be graced enough by gray hair to seem worthy of serious attention.

4. I’ll be insulated from cultural fads.

Older men tend to have better fashion, on net, perhaps because they stick with the stuff that works. In fashion and so many other things, older James won’t have to give too many damns about keeping up with the Joneses. The Joneses will be dead. And I’ll have more pressing issues (like my impending death) to care about keeping up with the political outrage of the day, celebrities, etc.

5. People will underestimate me.

No one expects all that much from an old person. If I’m smart, I’ll play that to my advantage (see: Gandalf). Underneath a kindly, eccentric old man exterior, I’ll have a sharper than ever focus on what really matters (death will do that to you), along with decades of experience under my belt.

6. I’ll get to introduce young whippersnappers to the greatness of old culture.

By the time I’m 70, I’ll be sitting on a treasure trove of experiences with great books, art, movies, podcasts, and music. And in my golden years, I assume I’ll have some free time to share those great works with younger generations who will be just as fascinated as I am with the power of story.

What’s more, I’ll probably have a few stories of my own to share at that age. Maybe in the lead-up to being an old man I’ll have finessed my storytelling skills a bit.

7. Grandkids (I can hope).

If my kids decide to do their bit to further the species, I’ll have some grandkids to care for in my old age. Just like my own grandfather, I’ll be able to pass down my skills, create powerful memories, and give my grandchildren a powerful bedrock of love, courage, and honorable behavior for life.

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James Walpole is a writer, startup marketer, intellectual explorer, and perpetual apprentice. He opted out of college to join the Praxis startup apprenticeship program and currently manages marketing and communications at bitcoin payment technology company BitPay. He writes daily at jameswalpole.com.