Influence comes from two places. Force comes from the outer world, composed of every character and situation you’ll ever know. Force also comes from within. There is an inner world of values, concepts, and associations to guide you on your path. A weak inner world guarantees that your progress will fester, making you slave to external forces.
Everything grows from the inside out. Having no inner foundation, you set yourself to fail at nearly all worldly events. You put no weight into what you are, subverting every action from within. A thousand false values flood you, drawing you in every direction that you do not wish to go. This is not what you seek, but what others seek for you.
Holding so little regard for your own life, you cannot see what is obviously true about you. What you know analytically is undermined by your emotions. You know but do not believe in yourself. Until you have the fortitude to act on your own judgment, your development is on hold.
Focus on your inner landscape and the exterior world will sort itself out. Every moment spent obsessing about details outside of yourself is overlooking the point. Until you make your own development your highest priority, you cannot accomplish anything else of lasting significance. Everything becomes a paltry attempt to fill the lacking within you.
Be brave as you enter the cavern within. Your tolerance for discomfort until now has been very low. You limp closer to the source of your frustration, but you never fully approach it. You remain stuck in a constant battle with yourself for dominance over your illness. The core of what you can become never reveals itself.
When you know what you are, you won’t care what the rest of the world thinks of you. You won’t even consider how they see you. The story you tell will overpower the story they prefer for their idle amusement. You can only be a character in their narrative if you are so weak that writing your own story becomes impossible. In gaining dominance over your own life, all your interactions are fortified.
Destroying your abasement for yourself will not make you invincible. It will only give you a more accurate and useful platform from which you can operate your life. You will still face challenges, but you will battle them effectively. You will earn and appreciate every personal victory.