Written by Laura Markham for Aha! Parenting.
“Dr Laura….I know I should stop yelling, but I can’t. And I can’t imagine getting my kids to listen if I don’t yell at them…Can you move in with me for a week?!” – Cheralynn
Like Cheralynn, most parents think they “should” stop yelling, but they don’t believe there’s another way to get their child’s attention. After all, it’s our job to teach them, and how else can we get them to listen? It’s not like yelling hurts them; they barely listen, they roll their eyes. Of course they know we love them, even if we yell. Right?
Wrong. The truth is that yelling scares kids. It makes them harden their hearts to us. And when we yell, kids go into fight, flight or freeze, so they stop learning whatever we’re trying to teach. What’s more, when we yell, it trains kids not to listen to us until we raise our voice.
If your child doesn’t seem afraid of your anger, it’s an indication that he’s seen too much of it and has developed defenses against it — and against you. The unfortunate result is a child who is less likely to want to behave.
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